


Trapped

by patdbrendonn



Series: PATD & MCR One Shots [4]
Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, Transgender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-24
Packaged: 2019-07-02 00:55:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15785649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patdbrendonn/pseuds/patdbrendonn
Summary: Ryan Ross comes out as Transgender





	Trapped

I never thought my family would have to go through this. Me, being the fuck up I am, keeping something in for years. Ever since the day I met Elena Mables. I knew that she'd be the one I'd marry. 

It took me three years to propose. It was on Christmas Day, with her family there. Her ring was beautiful, not too big, but beautiful. That was also the night that I got the biggest present I could ask for. I was finally going to be a father. I remember crying as I hugged her close, never wanting to let go. She laughed as I landed on my knees and rested my head on her stomach. In one day I knew my family was growing. 

February 21, 2011, is when we got married. I stood up on the altar with my suit on, waiting for the love of my life to walk down with her dad. When I saw her, I broke down in tears. She was beautiful, everything I imagined. Her hair was done, she wore a little makeup, not lots, the way I like it, and her dress fir her perfectly. But her vows is what made me feel 'uneasy', let's call it.  _Whatever obstacle comes between us, I promise to always love you._ I knew she meant it, but I didn't want that. Never. 

September 8 is when our daughter was born. It was the best thing I've seen in my life. As I watched our child be brought up on Ellie's chest, Ellie and I looked at each other for a few seconds, both mentally saying  _holy shit, we're parents._ A new person was brought into our lives and it was the best feeling ever. We named her Anna. Something sweet and simple. 

I was still in shock when Brendon called me that day, congratulating me and Ellie. We haven't seen much of Brendon, them being on tour. But I still talked to Spencer. He was the one that told Brendon that Ellie was even pregnant in the first place. Brendon told me that he'd babysit when he was in town, which came out of nowhere. Because at that time, I still thought he hated me.

It has been the best thing to watch Anna grow up into a little girl. She looks a lot like me but still had characteristics from Ellie. She has my curly hair, my nose, my eyes, fuck, she has everything. But during that time when Anna was about three, I became very depressed. The six and a half years Ellie and I had been together, three we had been married, I had kept in a secret I have pushed so far down it was practically trying to get out my ass. I remember it all so well. 

Date night. Anna was with Ellie's mother, probably eating forty cookies while Ellie and I went out for dinner. It started out well, laughter and love. But something happened, I can't really remember what, but I ended up walking to the bathroom and not coming out. Ellie had to ask permission to go in there and get me. I heard the clicking of her high heels, causing my breath to weaken as I pulled on my hair. 

"Baby..." Ellie whispered, trying to take me into a hug. I pulled away, looking at the wall as I cried. "Ryan, what's wrong?" She turned me around, cupping my shaved cheek in her hand. "You've been like this for well over a year now, baby, I'm worried..." 

"Don't be, it's- nothing." Ellie sighed, looking down at the ground. 

"You're not happy... Is it me?" As she looked back up at me, I saw the tears. 

"God, no! El, I  _fucking_ love you! It's not you, not Anna, it's nothing, okay?" I stared into her eyes, knowing she wasn't giving up. 

"Are you gay?" She asked softly. 

"No," I responded. 

"Are you trans?" I stared at her again before walking out of the bathroom, walking to the table and sitting back down. She followed me, grabbing my hand. "Are you, honey?" As I rested my head on the table, she knew. 

"Maybe. I don't know." 

That's how I practically came out in a fucking public bathroom. That night I slept in the guest bedroom. Not because Ellie was mad at me in any way, I wanted to be alone. I didn't know what she thought or what she wanted to do. 

It was the middle of the night when Ellie climbed into the bed, wrapping her arms around me. I sighed, wrapping mine around her. I looked at her, sighing, looking back up at the ceiling. 

"Do you hate me now?" I asked, my voice low and rough. 

"No. I just- have I lost my husband? Do I now have a wife?" As I tried to find the right words, she talked again. "You know this will take me a while to get used to?" I nodded. "And it will take Anna a while, too... But she's young, I'm sure she'll understand if we explain it right."

It was hard to explain it to Anna.  _Your Daddy is now a Mommy, you have two mommies._ It was hard. But after a while, she understood and started calling me mommy. I told her it would be okay if she accidentally called me her dad, I mean, she's been calling me her father her whole life. 

But I am happy I found a wife that is supportive and bi. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me, But I remember when she came out to me. 

It was before we got married and we had just moved in together. She read a book and sighed, looking over at me. 

"What are you reading?" I asked, shutting my phone off and looking at her. "Something smutty, I assume." Ellie laughed, closing her book. 

"No, it's a book about a lesbian couple." I hummed. "You know, I think I'm bi..." I looked back at her with a smile, grabbing her body and moving her closer to mine. 

"Just don't ask to have threesomes, okay?" She laughed and nodded, going back to her book. "Most people are bi. You're you." 

And I'm me now.


End file.
